I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
