How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
