All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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