Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
