be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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