Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
