I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I wish life had little blips of pornography
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
