I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You smell like stripper and shame
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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