The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
