It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
