I must be too annoying 4 u.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
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I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
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Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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