I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
