Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
