There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
splinters make it hard to masturbate
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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