I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize