You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
