the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
