:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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