I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
