so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
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She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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