It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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