just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize