her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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