At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
