Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
