Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
