it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
