totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
