I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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