you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
