Just mADE A PArabola og urine
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
