This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
