also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
