I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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