i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
