the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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