WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
