i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
