Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
