he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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