fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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