I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Drake has all the answers
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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