Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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