i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
