i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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