its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
