Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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