Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
time to smoke my breakfast
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
