I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you guys were way drunker than both of me
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
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Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
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Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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