Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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