i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
