We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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