My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
