remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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