You're a womanizer and a bitch.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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