Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
