why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
