i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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