yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
