So drunk its hurt
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize