mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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