meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
