That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
