i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
They should really pass out barf bags in church
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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