The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
