please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
