PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
