This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
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Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
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We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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