His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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