So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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