I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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