it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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