You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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