plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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