3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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