Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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