He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We left the knife in your bed.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
