Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
