the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
