This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
