I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
