Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
