we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wish you could order shots online.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I can't put those talents on a resume
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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