my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
