five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
