It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
