I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You took a bar mat shot.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
