2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
