I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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