please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
